Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
