Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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