So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
