Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
