I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
