That's intense
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
