I look better un-naked...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
