and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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