Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
