Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
