I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
