So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
