Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im part way to drunk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
