Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
