I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
