First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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