Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
