everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
