Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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