i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
