So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
