i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
