I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
