Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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