This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
