if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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