I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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