I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
