Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
