Need sex. Gaining weight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
