they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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