you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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