it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
