I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
