Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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