i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
