I wannas sexs uuuuu
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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