i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
