You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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