I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
