please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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