Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
