But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
