Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I FOUND THE LEGS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
