I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
