I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
