It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
