he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
