I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
