I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
